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For a long time, Nozomi convinced herself that this is fine. She's in love with Eli, but that doesn't matter -- she'll never ask anything of her, and she'll never say it aloud, and Eli will never, ever have to know. Then there's no problem, is there? They can just go on as friends, the way they were meant to be. This is just fine.

And for a bit over two years, it was. But she's been getting worse at hiding it, Nozomi knows. Eli's caught her staring more than once, and she's found her own hand lingering in places for longer than it ought -- Eli's back, her shoulder, the inside of her elbow.

She could keep laughing it off, pretending it was nothing -- but how much longer will it work? By this point, isn't she doing nothing but wait for Eli to be fed up with her? For the moment she'll inevitably say--

'Stop it. Stop lying. You think I can't tell what you're thinking?'

She's not going to put up with it forever.

But there's a way to avoid it, Nozomi's come to realize. Of course, she can't help what Eli will think; if it's something that'll ruin their friendship no matter what, then there's no way around it. But at the very least, Nozomi can avoid being a liar.

And then she won't have to dread the day Eli gets fed up.

The thought had taken root in her mind two weeks earlier. She did her best to block it out, at first, thinking it ridiculous. Why would she risk their friendship of her own accord? Why shouldn't she delay the inescapable for as long as she can? Is she stupid?

But the more time passed, the more firmly the idea cemented itself in the back of her skull, and the heavier Nozomi's guilt grew, as well. They had a live show a week after. In the changing room between songs, Eli turned to her, face flushed and glistening with sweat, and said with a laugh: 'Help me change out of this, okay?'

And as Nozomi's hands pushed the fabric of the dress from over warmed shoulders, she really hated herself a little, even though the pounding of her heart in her throat made it impossible to focus on for long. In that moment, it was worth it.

In the days that followed, though, she was only angrier at herself for having thought that.

Eli lets her touch her like that because they're friends. She lets her hug her and hold her hand and link her arm through hers because they're friends. Had she known Nozomi's real feelings, there's not a chance in the world that she would still allow it; and knowing that full well, Nozomi keeps her feelings secret.

She really is the worst.

When that single thought becomes louder than anything else, Nozomi gives in. She'll confess, she decides; she'll make it short and simple. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate or romantic -- those types are reserved for people expecting a positive answer. All she has to do is say it outright.

And whatever happens, happens.

It's Friday afternoon when she finally works up the resolve to go through with it. The day thus far has gone on per usual; school, student council work, practice on the roof. Nozomi kept her usual smile on her face. Everything has been completely, wonderfully normal.

And she's going to ruin all that.

The two of them are on the way out of school, when Nozomi abruptly grabs hold of Eli's wrists and begins tugging her sideways, away from the gate and deeper towards the yard.

"Elichi, can I have a minute?" she asks with a smile, after she's already started leading her away.

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"Eeh?" Eli stumbles and has to job a little for her feet to catch up when Nozomi pulls her off track. She manages not to lose her footing or fall on her face, though, and she lets herself get pulled easily, without resistance. "Nozomi, give me a warning next time!"

Even so, she's not sure what's going on, why Nozomi would pull her aside like this when they were already heading home on their own. Today's practice was particularly tiring and Eli was looking forward to getting a delicious, cold parfait into her mouth as soon as possible.

But, Eli thinks, if Nozomi is pulling her to the side for something, there has to be a reason, and she still doesn't pull back or complain. No matter how much she really wants that parfait right now. "What is it?"

Edited 2014-08-18 23:11 (UTC)

"Sorry, sorry!" Nozomi says with a laugh, but doesn't release her hold or slow her pace. Continuing as she were, she drags Eli towards the side of the building, to stand beneath the shade of a tree. In truth, it doesn't really matter where they do this, as almost all the students have already returned home. The courtyard is empty as far as the eye can see; there's no one here to listen.

Nozomi looks up at the sounds of the tree's leaves rustling gently in the early evening breeze, and sees the sun beginning to dip beneath the horizon. It's a nice set-up for a confession, she thinks with a mute laugh.

"Listen, Elichi..." Her hands let go of Eli's wrists, and she struggles to keep the smile on her face. Short and simple, she tells herself, but her throat grows as dry as sandpaper as soon as the words threaten to leave it. And it's hard, fighting the urge to preface it with a hundred and one excuses and apologies.

Nozomi ducks her head, squeezing her eyes shut at the ground as she attempts to put her thoughts back in order. I'm sorry. I don't mean anything by this. Please don't take it to mean I'm asking anything of you. I know I should've told you sooner. Please don't be disgusted. I'm not going to try anything, I promise. I'm sorry.

No, no, none of that. She knows what it is she has to say. The rest can follow once it's out of her mouth. Otherwise, she'll never get around to saying the most important thing.

Sucking in a breath, Nozomi straightens back up, and looks Eli straight in the eye as she forces out the words:

"I like you."

Edited 2014-08-18 23:40 (UTC)

Once Nozomi's let go of her, Eli takes in the area. It's secluded, but then the whole school feels that way at this hour. Whatever it is Nozomi has to tell her, it must be important if she had to tell her right after school, and if she needs the space to be able tell her.

Eli is decided to be patient, but when Nozomi seems to be struggling, head bowed and eyes closed, silence hanging between them, she feels it must be big, whatever it is. And then Eli feels a distinct knot of feat form in her throat, as she considers her biggest fear might be coming true.

Nozomi's moving away.

When her parents and left and Nozomi had stayed, Eli had been so excited and happy for her to stay, for them to remain close friends. But there had always been this strange, nagging thought in the back of her mind, what if someday they called for her? Or Nozomi decided she'd rather leave? She'd pushed those thoughts away for the most part, but it's the thought screaming through her mind.

Why else would Nozomi seem this worried?

"Nozomi?" She asks quietly, hands clutching together in front of her. She's listening for the words she think she'll hear, and then--

"What?" But when they're different it takes her a moment to completely process them. She lets out the breath she'd been holding in as a small laugh. "Oh." Relief spreads through her chest and she smiles wide, voice light and happy. "I like you too Nozomi."

Edited 2014-08-18 23:56 (UTC)

"Huh?" For a moment, Nozomi's face is a complete blank, incomprehension erasing even the tension etched into the corners of her mouth. But she looks at the smile lighting up Eli's face, sees how simply the answer comes to her, and she realizes--

Oh. She's not getting this at all. Of course.

Her features pull into a dull frown. "I'm being serious, so please give a proper reaction."

Nozomi's response only confuses Eli, and her smile falters lightly. "Being serious?"

It takes her another moment, standing there blinking in response to Nozomi's frown, for it to really hit Eli. And in one exhale Eli feels every breath leave her, as if she'd been hit in the chest.

Nozomi just said she...

She feels an odd sort of buzzing in her head, like she's about to get dizzy. She frowns involuntarily, the way she does when she has to think hard about something. She rings her fingers now. And she feels an odd sense of embarrassment at having misunderstood her the first time.

She should say something, but her throat feels dry and her breath hasn't quite come back yet. And Nozomi is still expecting her to respond and she hasn't.

Say something.

Her voice cracks once, and she says the only thing that it makes sense to make. "You're my best friend, Nozomi..."

Nozomi watches the smile drain from Eli's face, and thinks: Ah. There it is.

"I know." Her shoulders shudder as she laughs. The sound is a little too thin. "I'm sorry," she says, finally allowing the thoughts contained within her mind to spill. "Please don't misunderstand. I'm not going to ask for anything. I just..." She tilts her head with a smile, forcing lightness into her voice that doesn't sound like it belongs there. "... wanted to say it, I guess? Hehe."

"Oh..." Eli's chest stings watching Nozomi. They've been inseparable for years. She can tell when Nozomi's trying to act happier than she feels. But she doesn't know what else to say, and doesn't want to press any further. "Ok..."

What does this mean, though? If she rejects her confession, will they still be friends or... Eli couldn't bare that. "Nozomi... Can we still be... Are we..."

With a chiding tut, Nozomi presses the tip of her forefinger to Eli's pouted lips. "Don't make that face, Elichi. We can just forget about it and go back to normal, right?"

If she makes it sound like the natural conclusion, it'll be easier to say yes, won't it?

Eli wonders if it's strange for Nozomi to touch her lips.

"Y-yeah." Eli adds quietly. She wants to ask if it's really okay, if Nozomi will be okay. She wonders if it can really go back to normal. But asking might make sure it doesn't. So she nods, smiles and doesn't ask anything at all.

"Sorry," Nozomi murmurs, dropping her hand back to her side. "I didn't want to burden you with this, but in the end, it just felt wrong to keep it from you."

She holds Eli's gaze for a moment longer, and then throws her arms up over her head, stretching from head to toe with a great sigh of relief.

"Ah, but now that it's over and done with, I feel much better! And hungry, too. I could really go for that parfait right now." Whirling around, she starts walking back towards the school gates, throwing an over-the-shoulder grin to Eli. "Let's go!"

As relaxed as Nozomi seems, Eli feels every part of her on edge. The longer Nozomi stares the less she's sure what to say or do. She's almost relieved when Nozomi breaks it first.

She still feels like she's catching up, Nozomi's confession, her lack of response, and Nozomi switching back as if nothing had happened. She's not sure she believes that everything can be normal again.

But she nods and puts on her best smile and follows Nozomi. "Yes, how about we try that new one we saw the other day?"

Nozomi's step bounces a bit, and she laces her fingers together behind her back. She's exactly two steps ahead of Eli -- still close, but with just enough distance for her to not be able to see her face. She doesn't turn around again.

"Ah, with the green tea ice cream, right? Yeah, I wanna try it!"

Eli walks behind Nozomi, watching her skip ahead. She keeps up her pace, but she doesn't catch up. "Yeah. I wonder what they're prices are like. It's hard to beat our usual place."

The place isnt too far, but it feels like the longest walk they've had. Nozomi stays in front of her until they reach the place, and even there the distance between them is palpable. Eli thinks of when Nozomk would grab her arm or lace their fingers, moments that seemed simple and now she wonders if there was more behind them. She's too distracted to decide what she even wants to order.

"Elichi." Nozomi nudges the back of her hand with one finger, hoping to bring her back to reality, and then points that same finger to an item on the menu. "What about this one?"

Eli blinks and looks at Nozomi for a moment, then turns to look at the parfait she's pointing at. Eli feels like she really is being stupid. Nozomi's already at least trying to get things back to normal. She's trying really hard.

And, amongst all her confusing feelings, there's one thing Eli knows for certain: she doesn't want to lose Nozomi, no matter what. And she might if she can't snap out of this.

Eli takes quick breath and smiles. "Oh, right! The green tea one. It looks great. How about we also try this hazelnut one?"

Nozomi's face brightens at the sight of Eli's smile, strained as it might be. "Sounds good to me!" With that, she throws her hand up, signaling a waitress over so they can make their order.

It arrives a few short minutes later, and Nozomi wastes no time in digging in, announcing with a beam: "Ah, it really is delicious!"

Eli feels her smile grow more confident with Nozomi's unrelenting smile (even if the knot in her throat remains and her eyes feel heavy.) She tries not to let herself slip back.

She takes a spoonful of the green tea one and nods. "Ah, it is!"

Nozomi points her spoon towards the other one, placed in front of Eli. She could reach it if she leaned over a bit, but it's more fun to make demands. "Let me try some of yours, too!"

Eli smiles wider at Nozomi's insistence. "Wait, let me try it first!" She takes a big spoonful and her eyes close with it still in her mouth as she delights in the taste. "Mmmmm!" She moves the glass a little closer to Nozomi for her to have a taste too.

Eli's pure, childlike bliss draws a warm giggle of endearment from Nozomi's throat. You're cute, she thinks, but doesn't say. Instead she digs her spoon into the offered glass, placing it between her lips. "This one's good, too!" she exclaims, and leans back into her chair with a drawn-out, satisfied sigh. "I'm so happy..."

Eli nods at Nozomi, smiling as she takes another spoonful from hers. This is... pretty normal. Almost like any other afternoon. Maybe it won't get too strange or awkward after all. Maybe nothing will change. Maybe they'll someday even forget it ever happened.

She nods again, this time more determinedly. "Me too!"

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